Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
