I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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