I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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