planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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