Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
