I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
