probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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