Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
