Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
