tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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