don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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