HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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