I want to walk on stilts...naked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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