out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
