What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
