I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
