a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
