Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
