Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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