she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
