You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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