how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
