i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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