She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
