Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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