I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shame is for Republicans.
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