so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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