I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You smell like stripper and shame
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
