She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dating After Heartbreak
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.