Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am one with the molecules
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.