But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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