Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
