You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
