I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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