you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
