if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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