Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
