which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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