He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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