I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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