'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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