I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
