Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
