Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
