i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
