I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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