We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
