I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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