i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
