Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
