How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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