oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
