Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
