Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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