i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
