I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
