Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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