She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All the doctor said was why
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
