I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
