nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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