What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We are two peas in an std pod
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
