life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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