I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
