There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
