I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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