she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
