i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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