How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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