Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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