Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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