that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
