Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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