when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
