if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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