i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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