so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
