I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
