You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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