She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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