obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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