I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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