She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
